Please support Rosie’s family "Ru's Crew" as we participate in the 2009 Out of the Darkness Walk. Juni 27 2009 Chicago. We are walking in honor of Rosie Jacob Milo Travis Brandon Nathan Stephen Mona Tracy Louise Sam Adrienne and thousands upon thousands of those who have lost their way to cope.
I finished the walk around 3:45 a.m.. With my hip screaming I just used the analogy that I need to walk thru the physical pain just like the emotional pain every day of my life now. No matter how much my heart hurts I still have to keep going.. I surprised myself by finishing. I was in such pain and had 3 large blisters on my feet but every time the pickup van came by I let it pass and kept saying "I'll wait for the next one". The last mile was the worst because you could see how far you had to go and it didn't seem to get any closer. I hobbled in moaning breathing heavy and repeating over and over "ooohhhhh my goodness ooooohhhh my goodness...." Seems funny now.
I had alot of time to reflect during the walk. I had hoped that Rosie would walk beside me
but I never felt her presence.
And towards the end I was pretty angry with her for making this choice that affected my life so drastically and because I was in so much physical pain and would rather be anywhere than walking the streets of Chicago at three o'clock in the morning. Then I thought about how much she loved me and how her heart would be broken for putting me thru this and then I wasn't mad anymore just sad. It broke my heart to know that her heart was breaking.
Oh the roller coaster...
I came away wondering if this walk could make any difference anywhere. When Rosie died the numbers were at 30k per year. Now they are over 33k....I just don't know what else to do.
8 hours 18 miles all uphill..... :) Next year I will volunteer for the refreshment tent.
Today I finally had a chance to sit by myself and reflect on all the things that have gone on, in my life, the last few months. Now with both Dad and Mom gone to be with Rosie, today I had a chance to remember a lot of things that usually pass us by without a second thought.
Our days and thoughts of Rosie, Grandpa and Grandma are now all committed to memory. What I did realize is that nobody or time will ever take those away from any of us. The memories are so very important because today I was able to have a good laugh just remembering things past.
today/ Megan Lowe (sister) I wanted to hang out with you today so much. I had to drive out to Schaumburg and I thought, "hey, Rosie would go with me." But you weren't there. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to hang out. I try to pretend that you are not gone. I think that's the only thing that keeps me going. I can't accept that you're not with us. I just can't. I love you, and I'm so so sorry. Meg
Sorrow/ Kerry C. (Just a sad mom, can't sleep and looking for comfort )
Im so sorry for your loss, a very familiar feel,what a beautiful memorial, My heart aches even more now :(
THINKING OF YOU / LuAnn Mom Of ^j^Bob Demartino (connected by angels )
Dear Laurri, after lighting a candle for your beautiful Rosie I decided to read more about her and I could not stop the tears.Her site is so beautiful. I wanted to share this poem with you and hope you get some comfort from it.
Message from Heaven
I have not turned my back on you, So there is no need to cry, I am watching you from Heaven, Just beyond the morning sky; I have seen you almost fall apart, When you could barely stand, I asked the Lord to comfort you, And I watched him take your hand. He told me you were in more pain, Than I could ever be, He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard, Then gave your hand to me; Although you may not feel my touch; Or see me by your side, I've whispered that I love you, While I wiped each tear you cried. ~Author Unknown~
Missing you.. / Mom Rosie, you were and still are such an important part of our family. Like missing a limb, your absence is a constant reminder of what was. Know that we will always love you, always remember what you were to our lives and always mourn for you. Please come in our dreams. How I long to hug you. And know that you are happy.
Your mom forever, Mom
I've never been closer to you than I am now . . . / From Rosie To Mom &. Dad ,. With Love
And if I go, while you are still here . . .
Know that I live on
Vibrating to a different measure
behind a thin veil that you cannot see through.
You will not see me, so you must have faith.
I wait for the time, when we can soar together again
both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest,
And when you need me, Just whisper my name in your
heart . . .
I will be there.
Thinking of each one of you on Rosie's ^j^ Date / Jim &. Marla Forever &. Ever (Friends, with love )
You're Unique
Our presence, is a present to the world. You're unique and one of a kind. Your life can be, what you want it to be. Take the days, just one at a time. Count your blessings, not your troubles. You'll make it through, whatever comes along. Within you, are so many answers. Understand, have courage, be strong.
Don't put limits on yourself. So many dreams, are waiting to be realized. Decisions are too important, to leave to chance. Reach for your peak, your goal and your prize.
Nothing wastes more energy, than worrying. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets. Don't take things too seriously. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember, that a little love goes a long way. Remember, that a lot . . . goes forever. Remember, that friendship is a wise investment. Life's treasures, are people . . . together.
Realize, that it's never too late. Do ordinary things, in an extraordinary way. Have health, hope and happiness. Take the time, to wish upon a star.
And don't ever forget . . . For even a day . . . How very special you are.
~Unknown
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
You will be in our hearts every single
minute of every single hour on
Rosie's 2nd Angel date.
We love you all
so much, and are
deeply saddened
by your loss of Rosie.
By the way, her website looks
absolutely awesome!!
Warmest of hugs,
Jim & Marla
Thinking Of You / Precious Memorials
Greatful to be alive & to talk about it! / Angie Fallowfield (A lost soul )
Hi! my name is Angie...January 23, 2007 I tried taking my own life. I overdosed and was unconscience for several hours when paramedics found me. I flatlined 9 times, and was on a breathing machine for 3 days. I wasn't suppose to make it, but I was given a second chance. Suicide isn't the answer, and I'm glad I know that today. God had other plans for me, and now I can share my story. I really didn't want to die, but I just didn't know how to quit using. I wanted a easy way out so I chose to end my life. I haven't touched a drug or drink since my attempt. Reading this memorial site really touched me. I am so sorry you lost your daughter, and from expeience help is out there. Knowledge is power, and educating people will hopefully bring the suicide rate down. Keep your daughters spirit alive, and keep on keeping on!
--Angie Fallowfield
Hi Angie, thank you for visiting Rosies website. I am glad that are able to appreciate how valuable you are! Suicide does seem to be the easy way out but only for the one who dies. Those left behind who love, suffer, forever. And when peaceful days come, we feel guilty for not suffering. Hold on! God does have a plan for you. :)
Beautiful Tribute / Janet Guyer (None - just another mother )
Rosie's Family...
Laurri you have done such a wonderful tribute and website for Rosie. You have inspired me to start working the website for my son, Michael, who passed away September 1, 2007. I was reading all of the birthday wishes for Rosie and just taking in all the love people share with you and your family. It keeps Rosie's memory so alive. That's what I want for my son too. We want everyone to enjoy our children as much as we did. I prayed for your family and for you especially yesterday on Rosie's birthday. For all the people who love and care, nobody's love is like a mother's, it's something only another mother can understand. May peace be with you and your family. And congratulations on being a grandma again! The grandkids are the ones who help us get up each morning....and they are a wonderful reason for us to live our lives once again! God bless all of you.
Wishing you the peace that Rosie would want you to have.
Janet
You are an Aunt again (and again) / Mom
Well Rosie, you are an Auntie again. Megan put your picture up in the delivery room so that you, me, Meg and Sara could be together for the delivery. She knew that you would want to be there. And you were,
in our hearts. As always.
The day was very emotional. There was the joy of a new life and addition to our little family. And then knowing how much you loved Jeffrey and Jacob and they you, that this child would never know you. Someone that he hears about all the time but never played with or tickled and terrorized the way his brothers did. It is just so tragic. It seems so unfair that life is going on, without you. How is it possible that you are not here with us????
I promise you Rosie. Kyren will know you. You will not be just a picture on the wall. He will see the love that you had for his brothers through pictures and video. And we will love him for you.
You will always be part of us Rosie. And I will keep your memory alive. As long as I live, the world will know that you lived. And were loved. And still are. And always will be. Love you always Auntie RoRo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And here is baby Kiera Rosanne born June 19, 2009 weighing in at 7lb 2oz, exactly the same as your birth weight. Again, your picture and your spirit was in the delivery room with us. Thank you Rosie! You know this baby will have a truly special place in our hearts.
~*WHAT A PRECIOUS ANGEL*~ / Tammy Mom To Andrew Cardwell (Angel Family ) I WAS A PRECIOUS MEMORIALS ABOUT A WEEK AGO.I WAS PICKING UP A GRAPHIC OF MY SON.AND I SAW YOUR PRECIOUS ROSIE ON A GRAPHIC.I THOUGHT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SMILE.ABOUT A WEEK WENT BY AND I THOUGHT I WOULD SEE WHO ROSIE WAS.I WAS READING YOUR STORY ON THE FRONT PAGE I WAS IN TEARS.AND STILL AM WRIGHTING THIS TO YOU.YOU ARE THE VOICE FOR ALL GRIEVING MOTHERS.YOU SAID' EVERTHING OF HOW WE ALL FILL.WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE TO YOUR DAUGHTER.AS TRAGIC AS IT IS.WAS IT ROSIE'S TIME TO GO?I DON'T KNOW BUT THINGS DO HAPPEN AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY. AND IT IS THE WHY'S THAT WILL DRIVE US CRAZY.I HAVE QUESTION'S OF MY OWN SON'S DEATH.THAT WILL FOREVER KEEP ME WONDERING.THANK YOU FOR SHAREING YOUR STORY.LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOUR FAMILY.WHEN IT IS YOUR TIME TO LEAVE THIS EARTH YOUR ROSIE WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU
Thank you Tammy. My heart goes out to you as well. Knowing that I will see her again is the only thing that sustains me. Hugs for you.....
Sorry for your loss / Tom Hepditch (none)
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter as she was beautiful and looked so full of life. My girlfriend suicided in Jan 07 and is on Wall 7 of the memorial wall, Tamara Bonar. I found her in her apartment and have struggled ever since. She was a little down but never ever would think she do what she did. She also had trips paid for to look forward to and going to a chalet in 2 days. Will never know thats the hardest part.
I know the pain you feel and would just like to say this is a wonderful memorial and stories you have shared. Brought tears to my eyes. Your Rosie is looking over us and i know Tamara is aswell.
My prayers are with you all
Thank you for your kind words Tom, my heart goes out to you and Tamra's family. I do pray that some sort of peace will come to you in time.
Laurri
3/12/08 - A gift for you Rosie and for your Mom / Steph ~. Daughter Of Anita Yeo (angel friend )
Sometimes I want to scream / Mom
It is always at the base of my throat and I have to hold it back.
I want to scream your name as loud and as long asI can. And just keep on screaming.
I will never get over you Rosie. Never get past this. Never stop missing you. And never ever stop loving you....
Mom
.
Peace/ Rex Howell (None, a stranger ) The pain in your hearts is so evident.
Please go easy on the people that you feel have abandoned you. They simply do not know what to say.
I hope you find peace.
Strangers care.
Hi Rex, Go easy on the people who don't know what to say? That is why Hallmark is a multi billion dollar company. It just comes down to basic human compassion. And a stamp. Thank you for visiting Rosies site and your kind words. I pray that you never know this grief. Laurri
came upon your site / Emma Brown I came upon this site after doing a search about suicide. I lost my mom this year. I am 26 and have had a horrible time dealing with the loss of my mom. I have no one to turn to anymore and I just want to be with my mom again. I planned on how many pills I would have to take (antidepressant prescriptions ) washed down with grain alcohol and an anti-emetic so I would not vomit. Then I came upon your site. Something stopped me from going through with it all. I no longer believe in God. If I could reagain my faith I think I would have an easier time with all of this. Anyway I am sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Thanks for sharing your story. It touched me deeply.
Hello Emma, thank you for visiting Rosies site. Please know that you did not find it by accident. I am very sorry to hear about your mom. The upcoming holidays will be very difficult but they are survivable! Just hold on!
I too have struggled with my faith in God but have no choice to just believe that He is in control and someday we will be reunited.
I am sending hugs your way and prayers for the strength to hold on. Feel free to contact me again. Laurri
A heart felt sympathy / Gideon (Vistor) On April 9th, 2006 I lost one of my best friends. I use the word LOST in the true sense, because, without thinking, I look for her and can't find her.
At the age of 52, she left behind 3 children. ...I should have seen it coming. ...I should have said SOMETHING. Something.
I am so sorry for your loss. For the hole in your heart. But, I believe this: our loved ones who are gone are just over the horizon, just beyond our sight. And one day we too, will cross that horizon and we will meet again all those we love so much who have gone before us.
-Gideon
Thank you for visiting Rosies site Gideon. I am sorry for your loss as well. My heart also hurts for the 3 children left behind, probably grown but lost in the confusion and trying to understand why. A why that will never be known.
I share your beliefs whole heartedly and so look forward to that day.....
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